I don't want to be in love anymore. I just want to be left alone. And no, I am not depressed. No suicide is happening here, so don't go like: 'omg, you will be fine'. I am fine. Trust me.
It's just that I have lived enough of my life, feeling incomplete without a 'soulmate'. There were so many things that I wanted to do with the 'love of my life'. And now, I realize that I did not really need a soulmate for most of those things. I could have just lived my life, to the fullest, without a soulmate. I feel like a fool that I gave so much of me for someone who was just another page in the book my life.
And no, I am not bitching about love. Love is beautiful when you find real love, but I don't want it anymore. Love and its games can wait. I just want some alone time, me time. I want to feel 100% happy in my life, with myself, alone. And then maybe, I will allow someone to be a part of happy me. Almost everyone is a broken messed-up soul these days, and I don't want someone to come and add up to my mess. I am done dealing with troubled people. I can't be that 'let me save you' angel anymore. I want a normal happy life, with or without a normal happy person.
And you know, the problem is that I give too much when I am in love. I will do and notice small little things. I will make sure you feel special. And I will move mountains to make you feel loved. And the problem is that people don't notice such details. They don't notice the heart and soul you put into love. So I end up feeling like a loser who is not getting enough love back, a love that I deserve. So in a way, I dig my own hole, in love. So maybe I should wait and put all my love into loving myself.
Maybe one day, magic will happen. Someone will come out of the blue, smile at me, hold my hand, and the sparks will go bonkers again. But till then, and I will try my best, I will stay single. From now on, someone must be too good to make me fall in love again. And looking around, the kind of people I see, it's nearly impossible for someone to make my heart go all crazy. So from now on - I, me, myself, and my self-love.
~ Rahul Kaushik