I never had a filter in my mouth. I used to be too real, too honest. And I had to always explain myself to people, what I really said and what I really meant. It was fine, initially. I mean, you put effort for people you really care about. So I always used to make efforts to make people understand my side of the story. One person after another, I kept doing it even after these people deserting me in my hour of need. People are strange, you know. They treat you like their soulmate when they need you. But the moment they are done using you, they leave you like a stranger. I have suffered that all my life. But still, I always wanted the attention and love of people. And my loud, rude mouth made it harder for me to convince people that I was a good person at heart. I mean, I hated to say those sweet things. I would do the sweetest of things. But I won’t say them. I would say the funniest or rudest things rather. But strangely, they never got it. They always ignored what I did. They just cared about what I said, sometimes in fun, sometimes, in anger.
And one day, I got tired of explaining myself. Why should I fight to be understood and loved back? Don’t you see what I have done for you? Can’t you see that I was always there for you? Can’t you realize that I am so real in this fake world? Can’t you see the goodness in my heart? And if you can’t, then it’s your fault. It’s you who don’t deserve me. Do you want to hear sweet but fake words? Go around, there are millions who are like that. Go to them. Both of you use each other and stay in your fake, plastic heaven. Here, in my world, what matters is your heart. Your tongue can be rude. You are allowed to be shy with your emotions. But your actions must never be selfish. That’s how I changed my life. I have stayed the same person. I cut down on people. I have left out almost all of them. I stay in peace. I stay me. I don’t care what people will think about me. I don’t give a damn about a person staying or leaving. I have moved beyond this social circus. I focus on what’s deep within me. The outside noise is just noise now.
~ Rahul Kaushik