When you are really hurt, it becomes a different world for you. Everything changes, slowly, with each breath. You become what you thought you could never be. Sadness changes us in more ways than we can think. It’s like someone takes away a piece of your heart, daily. And before you know it, you have lost too much of yourself. It does not happen in tears and screams for you to seek help. It happens in those silent, quiet nights. It happens when you are just staring at the screen, but you feel nothing. You see nothing. Everything just goes numb. And that numbness eats you up from the inside. You no more want people around you. You just want to be left alone. You don’t want anyone to even ask “Are you fine?” You are tired of explaining it. You are sick of people not getting it. You just want to absorb that pain in peace, all alone. And when you become so aloof, you end up pissing a lot of people. But you don’t even care. What can I give you? I feel so empty myself. How can I give you any care, love, or attention?
But people don’t live your life. People don’t suffer your pain. People don’t cry your tears. For them, you are normal. You smile. You laugh. You reply lol to their forwarded memes. So when you act a little weird with them, a little off, they take it as a personal insult. They judge you to have attitude problem. They start calling you selfish. They start taunting you. And the fights happen. You get mad because you are already hurting. So you burst. You take it all out, all that frustration. Things get worse, with one person after another. Before you notice, you have pushed away everyone. They blame you. And you blame them for not understanding you. After some time, you start blaming yourself too for ruining everything. Then you start blaming God for all your trouble. You get sick in your soul. Your bones are tired of this sadness. So you just give up on making things right. You choose to suffer it all silently until one day your soul screams out in fight. And then, you build a new you from the fallen ashes. But you miss the people you lost. You miss the old you.